7 March 2008
Thursday Vision of Fall Horns

I’m really good with feedback on the woo filter- I appreciated the one offlist link to more Melek-Taus stuff. This guy was just kind of wacky. My other note of annoyance- getting used to obsidian sphere gazing work, I’ve started to start zoning off and out on almost anything round black and shiny- thus the “gazing frog” jokes that are evolving.

I laid down on last Thursday night. 1am. I had to be up at 4am. But I couldn’t sleep, so I went to take a long bath, cleansing inside and out. I felt the water wash over me, into me, through me, out of me, let myself sink into the waves. I let go, and opened my gills.

Back out of the waves I tried to lay down again, but was called to erotic play instead. Ah, the universal joke- to have universal coitus interuptus. Of sorts. Not entirely true. But I found myself in a very, painful, position as my body froze mid anal masturbation and was no longer able to move. Or more accurately post orgasm right when you want to pull the dick out of your ass, and afterwards it starts hurting, then worse, then…

He appeared.
I think it was He.

It looked like a stag, but its body was made of dead leaves fallen from trees in oranges, browns and deep reds. Its horns were made of bare tree branches. It stared me down, stared through me.

Ouch.
Oh, you’ve done worse.
Yeah, but can we not, this sucks.
Oh, you’ve done worse.

It got wore.

Can we stop this now?
Oh, you’ve done worse.

Suddenly I flashed back full body to the moment my nipple fell out in my hand in the shower, and I froze in the water, then began to scream. As I started to freak out, the picture froze, and I wooshed back to my body and the pain in my literal ass.

Just a reminder, you’re not actually there. You’re here.
Thanks. (But I was thinking thanks asshole)

Suddenly I flash back to going into the shower that morning. Winter was in the other room. I stripped out of my clothes and checked the water temperature. I unwrapped my bandages, and stepped into the water. I began to wash, bent over to grab the soap, and out my left nipple bundle fell into my hand. I stood up in the water and froze, then began to scream. I wooshed back into my body and the now seemingly on fire anal sphincter.

Just a reminder, you’re not actually there. You’re here.
Thanks. (But I was thinking thanks asshole)

We did it again.
Again.
Again.

Until somewhere between times 5 and 10, I lost track, it went like this instead…

I flash back to going into the shower that morning. Winter was in the other room. I stripped out of my clothes and checked the water temperature. I unwrapped my bandages, and stepped into the water. I began to wash, bent over to grab the soap, and out my left nipple bundle fell into my hand. I stood up in the water and froze, then breathed deeply and stepped out of the shower. I set the severed bundle on a piece of clean gauze, then call out to Winter- “can you call the doctor? My nipple just fell out.”

I come back to my body and and finally I have my arms back, and I slide the dildo out of my tender ass. Thank fucking gods.

Oh, you’ve done worse.

Fuck, I start to scream, as I’m whipped back to my burning flesh. I’m in my cottage, a different life time past, one I’ve been to before, and my shirt is on fire. I’m screaming.

Just a reminder, you’re not actually there. You’re here. (back to my tender body and tears down my face).
Thanks. (meaning it this time)

The story starts earlier this time. I am walking into my cottage, carrying a bundle of something under my arm. Its a warm evening. I am smiling slightly, its beautiful, and will be beautiful tonight. I walk into my cottage and start setting things down on my table and start rummaging around for something to eat. I hear a noise at my door that had closed behind me. I go to check on the noise, but the door won’t budge. I shake the door hard, but it won’t budge. I start to panic when I smell the thatch burning. I look out of my one window and see him, the man I knew too well, with a look of great sadness wandering away. I know what comes next…

I jump. Suddenly I’m somewhere vaguely civil war era america guessing by the uniforms. This is NOT my timeline, I know that much. It’s his. The man who I knew too well. He’s the brother of the woman in front of me, who I’m having an argument with her husband I can’t understand.

I hear the rustle of leaves behind me and the stag of fall leaves is behind me.

I didn’t know you could do that.
Neither did I.
You weren’t ready to actually deal with that one were you?
No, apparently not.

I snap back to the burning thatch smell, step back to Winter asking what is wrong, step back to my body aching and tender.

I come back with an hour until I have to leave for my flight.

Interesting approach to Recapitulation/Soul Retrieval I suppose, but god damn it, can’t I just have normal sleep any more?