28 February 2008
The Blue Child

Last night I shot a porn vid of myself, because I said I would. Afterwards I laid down to sleep, lights off, about 2am. I lay in bed, post sexual solo glow, and allowed myself to drift. As I did so I saw a path off to one side, and recognized it from the night before, and went to see.

I was back in my bed, but not, in an open glade, laying on my back. I sat up and got out of bed to wander around, and a young boy, perhaps 8, wandered up to me. He was blue (not paint), with thick dreadlocks and a design on his forehead in yellow and red. Tangled in the knots of his deep blue-green hair were peacock feathers, and he wore only a leather loincloth. As we talked without words, he held out his hand and his body morphed, to 3, then up to 12, then to a teenage boy. He showed me blue flames and a forest full of life, and I knew I could hear the heartbeat of the world.

Back in the glade, bed gone, I sat on the ground and he straddled me. Before as I had been penetrated, this time he pulled himself up onto me and called me into him. The universal wisdom that is all in the eyes of a young one pulled me in, and I dove, as he hit me with a smile that held knowledge of having been here a thousand times before. He told me that he had given to me and as he is in me, I am in him, and to give that to him.

Without hesitation our skin poured into one another, then he split into two of himself, two perfect mirrors, feathers in their hair. The second one of him held me then used my mouth, then held me again as I filled his brother, his twin, until I released inside him and as I did, his mouth opened up and light spilled out and enveloped us all. For what I gave was mine to receive back. For what I give is mine to receive back. And all I am is the worlds in turn.

He kissed my gills, two mouths healing wounds and letting me breathe deeply, and they became one again and bowed before me. They left me in the darkness and the light.

I found myself centered, focussed, and today am still both of these, if tender, open, feral in my strength and centeredness. Happy to give almost anything I have to give because I know I get it back and thats not about act for act, but intention for intention.

Today has been very good. *open more* is all I want to cry, to practice living and loving deeper, even if the fear stands there watching, waiting, and then it turns away. A gift of dark beauty was mine to bear witness to today, and it was good. I let go and gave in to truths.

His eyes echo, two then four, lips and gills. I’m not tired, I have to leave in a few hours for the airport, but my eyes keep trying to shut. I think I’m going to go listen to what tonight has to bring.