the voice from here and beyond
there is
such a thing
as consensual shamanism
shamanic practices
but here I am
I hold keys
run the long miles on both sides
open the doors
walk through them here and here
I dance off both ends of the cliff
line in hand
hounds at my side
I swim deep
come back with dark mirrors
pearls of wisdom
I go between
I have to keep teaching
keep speaking in the tongues of how to
you can
change your life
live life fully
breathe in authenticity
I wake up
or else they can’t read the messages waiting for them
let me hand you
consensual shamanism
shamanic practices
because I
never had a choice
I long for asceticism.
I long to wear hair shirts, each time the lines scratch into my skin being reminded of the prayers I wove into my desire to be in connection with the divine.
I long to stare into the white, the red, the gold and the green as hooks let flesh give way to truth.
I long for my crown of thorns once more, my brow bleeding down with what weighs on my mind.
I long to hold candles up in the water, cry out to Shiva, cry out and let it all go.
I long to make my marque… to weave my own destiny beyond my flesh.
I open up, I give in, and I long… I long.
It hit me like a flash.
Donations to the divine left at the door
gifts of money
of fruits
of wines
of clothing
of poetry and praise to the Goddess.
I felt it like a flash
letting Her ride me
let Her ride us
let it all go
indoctrinating our flesh to the will of Her desires for the night
taking in those who needed cleansing.
I remember the sun riding me
Ameratsu and the shining over
Cuttings and crying in the closet
too hard to bear the weight of the world.
I remember the Temple
clay amulets gifted from the penitent
letting go of the pain
his flesh scourged
naming the names of every woman raped.
I remember the candle-lit night
Babylon smiling
as blood flowed out and moans escaped
creating a bond under the eyes of the Whore.
Let us create a grotto of the Whore
to hit us
like a flash.
Let us receive
boons
in Her name.
Give me messy magic
Give me wild love
Give me the tears, sweat and cum of the Gods.
I refuse to pussyfoot
Around the pagan roots
Of my heart.
My faith is inclusive
A sea of sun
Bathing us all in the rose window of reality.
I see Goddesses orgasm
Gods fuck
Siblings dance hand in hand.
My Goddess
is not a god hung from a tree
With breasts glued on.
I will not
Worship
From afar.
I cherish my wildness
My integrated paths
My eyes wide open with wonder.
Come dance with me
In open groves
And downtown orgies.
Dance with me
Lover, sister, brother, friend
Dance with me and this messy magic.
Tread soil
Breathe air
Gaze into the flame
Swim deep.
Drink in all of the possibilities
Not just the veneer
No matter your path.
Find your truth
Make your faith
Four dimensional.
But my hands are open
Waiting
For when you are called to dance.
Last night I dreamed of pythons. I dreamed of fear and running, of a beautiful woman I know at my side. Both of us were powerful, but the snakes were more than either of us could handle. We hid behind doors, but they got around the doors, over the doors, under the doors. I woke to squeezing around my flesh, colors changing in their scales.
A warning of snake energy. Powerful snake energy I needed to process in times to come.
Months ago, after a class I taught, a giant class that was a sea of faces and ropes, a student approached me as I was surrounded by individuals wanting to ask questions. He asked me if I ever accepted gifts from students. I offhandedly said yes, not really present. He took a snake skin cuff off his wrist, handed it to me, and vanished into the crowd. I put it on, and went to find him, after the sea died down. He was nowhere to be found.
Later that night, I ran into him again. He was wearing a headdress made from a cobra skin, and other snake skin leatherwear. He told me of his wife who had passes away, of his fear coming into community- and how my class had changed his life. Amidst mundane topics, I slip in pieces of my own philosophy. There is nothing profane. But apparently I said what he had needed to hear. I said that “if you are called to do it another way, go for it. Follow what feels right.”
He had feared judgement. And instead, he was faced with love. He had given me a piece of the leather gear that he had made himself, cobra skins collected from estate sales and antique stores. I knew then I would be coming to accept snake energy in my life. Tonight I moved from accepting it, to embracing it, as it embraced me. I did so amongst embracing the last pentacle I had sworn myself to work with- a dance between, within, and out again.
Around the neck of the Shiva statue I own, around his neck is draped a cobra. This venomous beast threatened to drown the universe in toxins. Shiva swallowed up every drop of poison, conquering death, embracing the cosmos. At his crown another serpent appears in some depictions, and for others the cobras are one. The second one represents the awakening of Kundalini, awareness of the Ajna Chakra, the third eye. Dormant energy awakens, and awareness erupts.
A gift of a massage came for myself and my partner. The massage therapist, a shiatsu practitioner who works with a modified modality of practice that embraces trigger point release and that less is more. It was my first time working with her, but for both of us, her style truly worked for us.
As she worked into my shoulders and up my neck, I felt it curl up at my feet. A cobra, 8-10 feet in length, massive. A partner of a friend had twice told me I had a giant serpent waiting behind me, or sometimes some other black form. But here it was. I could feel it sliding around my feet, feel it sliding up to my ankle. I breathed through the sensation, through her working on my body. I felt it slide up and around my left leg, it’s coils pushing into me but not squeezing. I felt it push and twist, wrapping three times around my leg, then twist up my back. It wound left, right, left, right, then up the center of my neck. It came across the top of my scull, and down the center of my forehead.
My eyes woke, my astral body felt like it was going to explode. My external body continued to breathe slowly as she worked down into my hips.
Other visions came. An army amassing. The Lieutenant of a Prince’s army at the lead. Clockwork gears in the face of one foot soldier, who looked into me as golden gears turned. I saw beings of light hiding behind closed doors, unable, unwilling or uncertain on how to take action. I saw a painting of a great winged scarab. I saw fields of wheat. I breathed in, and let them pass through me.
After the massage, I used the restroom then went into the bedroom. I had to sit with what I had seen, and it was my partner’s turn with the masseuse. I ate a few bites of tabbouleh, drank water, and lay down. I closed my eyes, and the hair on the back of my neck began to stand on end. I took a series of deep breaths, and self the scales wrapping around the base of my feet again. I looked down, and saw. I saw.
As I stared at the cobra curling at my feet, I saw his forehead clearly for the first time. Embedded in his forehead was a black pearl. This struck me like a wave, an intense feeling of deep water in my body, through my body, over my body. Two nights earlier I had done my working with the Quartz Pentacle. My partner, the next morning, had stared at the pentacle tattoos on my body and asked me to lay our each one for him.
I pointed at the Ruby Pentacle on my abdomen. Honor – Integrity – Discipline – Responsibility – Purpose
I pointed out the Iron Pentacle on my left elbow. Sex – Pride – Self – Power – Passion
I pointed out the Amethyst Pentacle on my right elbow. Innocence – Desire – Awakening – Identity – Expression
I pointed out the Pearl Pentacle on my left inner upper arm. Love – Law – Knowledge – Liberty – Wisdom
I pointed out the Quartz Pentacle on my right inner upper arm. Compassion – Balance – Patience – Forgiveness – Gratitude
He looked at me and smiled. “So, Sir, what work do you still need to do on the Pearl Pentacle?”
The tattoos on the Ruby, Iron and Amethyst pentacles had taken perfectly. The Pearl and Quartz pentacles had come out blotchy, discolored, and imperfect. I stared at them and smiled as well. I had just designed and done a major working to finally deal with Quartz issues in my life, to seriously sit with compassion for myself and others, acknowledge out loud that I desired balance in my life, embrace the fact that I was learning lessons of patience, work on forgiving myself, and acknowledge more fully the gratitude in my life.
And here I was, staring down at a large black pearl in the snake’s forehead, and the cobra’s black pearl eyes staring up at me.
One of the rarest gems on earth. Tales of exotic journeys into the passions of our hearts. My journey with the Pearl Pentacle was not to be one of mother of pearl, white pearl, freshwater pearl. Within my heart of hearts, my journey is not better than any other person’s, but I have been told over and over again by the world that my journey is different. When I speak of my work in the temple of life, the playground of life, the art gallery of life… many stare at me, as if I were recounting a fantasy novel. My journey is different- why should it surprise me that the pearl my spirit is called to is different?
And so, with a smile, I cleared my heart. I breathed deeply, and opened up. I felt the snake curl up my left foot and three times around my left leg. It twisted up my back. It wound left, right, left, right, then up the center of my neck. It came across the top of my scull, and down the center of my forehead. My eyes opened, all three, my eyes were wide and I was open. My jade pillow at my ajna chakra had a line of light between them, and I felt in there the seed growing wild called LOVE. Love, the word writ upon my belly so that I can see it every day.
“God is love,” I said weakly, and the moon flickered through black branches. I believed then that it was so.
“When you say that, and I say that,” said Qaspiel, I do not think we mean the same thing. You mean it only as a metaphor.”
I brooded on that, and the angel walked beside me, the hematite in its hair like black tears.
-Catherynne M. Valente, from “The Habitation of the Blessed: A Dirge for Prester John Volume 1”
God is Love, and it is no metaphor. Through my crown, I can hear the whispers of God that is I AM. God that is myself. For we are each God, and God is in each of us. Namaste on my lips.
Love erupted in my third eye, my crown, my head ablaze with Love.
The next point on the Pearl Pentacle is Law. I have had challenges with the notion of Law, as have many Feri. But I breathed in and released, and felt the cobra moving. As I breathed I felt it wrap down around my neck, wrap twice around my midsection, sliding down the back of my leg like a seamed stocking, wrapping finally around my ankle and plugging into the circle there. LAW. Law lit up in my body, and I understood.
Legal Law is the line between what is allowed by our governments and culture, and what is not. How we keep a sense of order in the worlds we walk in. Social Laws are those things that we consider taboo, and what we consider acceptable. Law is about understanding boundaries, and understanding that if we transgress that there are ramifications. We become anarchists, outlaws, martyrs for a cause, rebels without one. We become criminals.
Criminals of the spirit exist when we do not acknowledge boundaries for ourselves and our capacity. Not boundaries that hold us out, but boundaries that create a space called home, within which we can freely explore our psyche and existence. Law is about spirit of the law, not letter of the law. Be aware of the letter, for letters make up words and by the Word was the universe made. I see Law reflected in me and know that without boundaries there can be no adventures out into the wilderness. Law within myself is an acknowledgement of dreams and desires, acknowledging of capacity, and hearing the Laws of my innermost desire.
Desire. It hits me. Desire is the second point on the Amethyst Pentacle. I pull forth the other second points. Pride. Balance. Itegrity. Law. Desire. I lay the five atop each other and see how they dance. Desires help us create Law. Laws beget potential for Desire inside and outside of what is appropriate. Integrity helps us enforce our Law and see and acknowledge the Law and boundaries of others. Balance helps us create Law that serves all involved. Pride in Balance helps us lift up and defend our Law, while out of Balance it can have us not acknowledge our own capacity.
I turn back to Love and do the same. Sex. Compassion. Honor. Innocence. Love. I breathe in the revelation, and feel the five dance into and through one another.
Love, Law. Law, Love. Love, Law. Breathe in, and the connection grows, and the serpent slithers through me. Ankle to Crown to Angle. I am an angle, acute. I am acutely aware.
The serpent slithers, the cobra moves through my breath. The line up my thigh, along my sex, past my midsection. Across to my palm, where it wraps like a bracelet and nestles itself into the palm of my hand. The astral body mod I have on my palm blazes upright, and my power surges. KNOWLEDGE. Knowledge. I see it burning bright.
Knowledge that has the power to heal and inform the world. Knowledge misunderstood, locked and strained, miles of books unread and mistaken for Knowledge. Knowledge of self. Knowledge of others. Information in the form of Knowledge, and Information that buries us under facts and figures, an internet that offers us Information and claims it is Knowledge. The power of my own Knowledge, used well. Knowledge.
I turn to the layers. Knowledge at the third point lines up with Self. I breathe in, and see Knowledge of Self, the Self-Knowledge that burns bright. Self. Patience. Discipline. Awakening. Knowledge. YES.
Breathing through, Knowledge settles into my core. Love, Law, Knowledge. Knowledge, Law, Love. Yes, yes, I clench in and down and absorb. Love, Law, Knowledge. Knowledge, Law, Love.
The cobra pulls out and through my palm, and heads towards my heart. I feel it wrap around my heart, my Heart, and squeeze. It unlocks me, it opens me up, and I breathe deep as it slithers through with my moan escaping my lips. It slithers across to my opposite palm, where it wraps like a bracelet and nestles itself into the palm of my hand. The astral body mod I have on my palm blazes inverse, and my power surges. LIBERTY. Liberty, known by others as Power. Liberty.
Liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Freedom to follow my bliss. Knowing my bliss to be able to follow it. The lines build up, layers of meaning within the pentacle. I see Liberty within the gifts of my work, within the way I pursue love, within me acknowledging this who I AM and not letting it be thwarted by Should.
Liberty at the fourth point lines up with Power on the Iron Pentacle. Thus the nine-pointed star of Feri for those who call both Power. Iron and Pearl become one. But here I see Power. Forgiveness. Responsibility. Identity. Liberty. I start to cry. Without Forgiveness, there is no Liberty of the heart. Without responsibility for ourselves or the world, Liberty becomes abuse. In finding my Identity I can pursue Power fully. Yes, oh YES. Tears fall, and I feel the cobra twist and turn in me.
The last point. Am I ready? I breathe, and feel no doubt. The cobra recoils to the beginning, and we start anew. Up the ankle, up my spine, down my crown to Love. Around my neck, my torso, my leg to Law. Up my thigh and sex, up to my palm at Knowledge. Across my chest, around my heart, and over to Liberty. Down my torso, across my sex and thigh, down and down slithering, around my ankle and plugged into my mod there. WISDOM.
Wisdom is hearing the truth of our heart and tribe. Plugging into universal YESes. Feeling. Going in, deeper- and not keeping it hidden from ourselves or the world. How often have I known Wisdom and instead turned away? Known also as Discernment, Insight. I cry, I feel my body shake, and as it shakes it echoes up as pleasure awakens in turn. In the vulnerability of my heart I feel the capacity for the discernment I have so craved bubbling to the surface.
The fifth point of Wisdom is Passion on Iron, Gratitude on Quartz, Purpose on Ruby, Expression on Amethyst. Passion. Gratitude. Purpose. Expression. Wisdom.
Oh how I have needed to express my Wisdom, and am learning when to not express the shadow Wisdoms for those not yet ready to hear. Cast not pearls before swine. PEARL. Gratitude for Wisdom recieved. Purpose through knowing our inner wisdom. Passion, embraced, finding Wisdom in its wake.
I run the pentacle. Love – Law – Knowledge – Liberty – Wisdom. Wisdom- Liberty – Knowledge – Love – Law. Back, forth, cycling over and over in one direction, then the other. I run the circle around, creating a pentacle truly. Love – Liberty – Law – Wisdom – Knowledge. The cobra becomes a line of black pearl, and I gaze in. I gaze into myself. I gaze into I AM. Glowing.
The energy cools. It settles. I run each of the five pentacles in turn. I see how they dance around each other.
Breathing deeply, I release.
I am. I AM.
You ask me
how I know it is real
how it is true
I feel my lips blazing
the tingle of truth
on my tongue
I feel my heart sing
the gate to my soul
soaring wide
I feel my the hair
on the back of my head
stand on end
I feel…
I feel.
The Quartz Pentacle is a mystery still unfolding within Feri Tradition. A student of the tradition, a gentle fey named Greg whose thoughts I have appreciated, spoke of it in a private group, and it is something that planted, has grown like a seed in my heart.
The concept seems so simple. Just as the Iron Pentacle weaves Sex – Pride – Self – Power – Passion within our body, mind and spirit, the Quartz Pentacle anchors Compassion – Balance – Patience – Forgiveness – Gratitude within us. In Greg’s version, he spoke of Harmony as compared to Balance as it has sung within my form… as we dive into this working, use whichever calls to you.
Though the concept seems so simple, these five elements that I have found are surprisingly complex in their textures and tastes. Just as silk feels so soft and sensual, it comes in so many textures and such diversity of truth. Just as vanilla is common nowadays, it is a rich and varied flavor depending on the region it comes from, a spice who wars have been fought over, and whose imitation may satisfy, but is far from the truth of authenticity. As I have sat with each of these five elements, and worked to anchor them into the five points of my essence- the burning brand at my third eye or above my crown, each of the spots at the center of my wrist or my palm, the space just below my feet or at the insides of my ankles- I have come to find the layers possible as diverse as the supposedly simple flavors and textures we find within our lives.
Before casting this circle, before setting aside time and space within my beingness and life to do this working, I begin with preparing myself.
Next, I prepare a space.
With my eyes open to the five elements I am working with, seeing it, I now turn to my other senses. My nose and mouth, my senses of smell and taste, will be a part of this work. Thus, I must engage them actively. I dig through my box of scents, and consider what will align me to these elements. What calls to me of Compassion, Balance, Patience, Forgiveness and Compassion. The words that hit my minds eye is “safety” and “letting go of fear of rejection.” The sense I feel in my body is wrapped in warmth, and hope. The feeling on my skin is one of relaxation, possibility, and knowing others will not abandon me if I know them fully. Thus, I turn to scents that open me to such truths. I envision fresh baked bread. I remember cigars and brandy. I know fondue and board games. I remember walks in lavender fields in Maui. I fill my minds eye with books freshly opened. I fondly recall wandering through an essential oil shop and smelling everything I could.
I decide on lavender, and pour a bowl of it. I set it on my altar, before my athame, and lower my shoulders as I smell it.
I prepare a playlist of music that will attune my heart and ears with one another. Though drumming works for many, I do not drum often, and instead use the music of others for my trance and transformational work. Today I open my spirit, and hear the following songs call to me:
I prep the list to be on repeat once I begin.
Before I begin, I also listen to my body needs. I use the restroom, have a small bite, some water, and stretch. In fact, since Compassion is one of the elements we are working with tonight, that includes Compassion for your bodily needs. If you need to pee, pause between segments, open a window, or anything else- feel free to take care of you. You deserve it, and I find that the World prefers you to be present to workings, rather than distracted by a full bladder… unless of course we are working with energy that demands such discomfort.
I dim the of the lights in the space, breathe deeply through my nose, and very slowly release the tension in my body. I am ready to begin. If you need more to calm your life and mind, I have done long walks in the night air (as I did on my way to this working before preparation), candle-lit baths with pleasing scents, meditation, long, slow masturbation with no specific goal, yoga or stretching, having a quiet meal (salads or something light often being best in my experience, especially raw greens), or gazing and candles for creating the sort of energy I am speaking of.
With my space and being prepared, I begin.
We begin, and yet, this work has always been here, has already begun. These things are not new. These essences have always been in us, been within us.
I know this, and yet, beginning sounds so comforting. But even with the seeming comfort of these elements, I must acknowledge that they are not comforting. They may comfort us, but in different dosages, in different situations, Compassion, Balance, Patience, Forgiveness and Gratitude may not be comfortable. We do not enter this work with this belief, for if I do, I will know myself to feel that pain with no preparation. But perhaps you need to be taken by surprise, let the depths of these elements plunge deep into you without warning. You know yourself, listen, listen now, we are listening.
Lighter in hand, I kneel before the five candles.
I then cast my circle, with the room lit now with the five elements. The intention has been set. In my case I draw a circle around the room with my athame, calling the directions, calling my patron deity, call Above and Below, within and without, to my ancestors and the beloved spirits I cherish on all planes. I ask them to guide me in this work, and keep this space safe from outside conflicting influence while I dive into this work. I encourage you to ground, ward/shield, and call forth a sacred space as your traditions, training or intuition will find most appropriate.
Continuing with my athame, now within a space between the worlds, I call the elements again. I draw a pentacle in the air before me, over the altar, to the five elements. I draw an invoking pentacle, moving clockwise- Compassion at the top, down to Balance at the bottom right, up to Patience at the left, across to Forgiveness on the right, down to Gratitude on the bottom left, and back to Compassion at the top again. I say each word as I draw, and begin to draw the elements into the space. They have been waiting for you to call them forth. They have been waiting for me to call them forth. They know me, and want to know me better. I know them, and want to know them better.
I return my breathing to normal, my face tingling with the truth of my need to call forth these five elements into my life. I sit with my intent again- am I ready to do this work? Are you ready to do this work? Honesty is imperative. Some times I have been unready to explore, I had further consideration or thought, experience or security needed to dive in. As the first element is Compassion, it encourages you to be compassionate of your truths and reality, and not proceed if it is not yet time. You can come back here. There is no shame in this. There is the seed of Compassion, and Compassion wants this seed to take root.
Speaking out loud, I call forth the element Compassion:
“Hail Compassion, element of my body, mind and spirit. Hail Compassion, truth of the universe unfolding. Hail Compassion, blessed being of our deepest light and shadow.
I call upon thee, Compassion, who has been known by many names and faces. Our world has known thee as charity, empathy, grace, kindness and sympathy. We have seen you by the faces of lenience, benevolence, tenderness, condolence and clemency. You are felt each time we are commiserate with others who are in pain, and mourned your absence in the face of hatred, cruelty, indifference, harshness and tyranny.”
I then stop and speak times I have longed for compassion. I allow myself to speak the times when I was not compassionate to others.
I then give voice to times I have given compassion. I name truths of times I have been shown compassion, by myself or others.
Once is enough. A thousand truths of each is never enough. This is the mystery of the variety of Compassion that exists.
Having spoken our truths, we prepare our crown to breathe in Compassion whose face we know, whose truth we know, but are now ready to imbue into our spirit. We are ready to modify our astral body to feel Compassion as an element in our essence, and have the capacity to monitor whenever we are called to know Compassion in all its forms.
The breaths begin.
I return my breathing to normal, my face tingling with the truth of Compassion being actively known in my life. I have Compassion in my body, I have Compassion in my mind, I have Compassion in my spirit. I have planted the seed, and will watch it grow.
I sit with my intent again- am I ready to do this next work? Are you ready to do this next work? As the second element is Balance, it encourages you to be balanced between your deepest truths and realities you work within, and not proceed if it is not yet time or you do not have the capacity right now. You can come back here. There is no shame in this. There is the seed of Balance, and Balance wants this seed to take root.
Speaking out loud, I call forth the element Balance:
“Hail Balance, element of my body, mind and spirit. Hail Balance, truth of the universe unfolding. Hail Balance, blessed being of our deepest light and shadow.
I call upon thee, Balance, who has been known by many names and faces. Our world has known thee as harmony, accord, poise, stability and congruence. We have seen you by the faces of reconciliation, correspondence, equality, steadiness and resonance. You are felt each time we cooperate with all sides of our desires or find the place where everyone truly wins, and mourned your absence in the face of discord, disagreement, instability, shakiness and conflict.”
I then stop and speak times I have longed for balance. I allow myself to speak the times when I was not balanced in my interactions with others.
I then give voice to times I have shown balance to others. I name truths of times I have been shown balance by myself or others.
Once is enough. A thousand truths of each is never enough. This is the mystery of the variety of Balance that exists.
Having spoken our truths, we prepare our ankle or foot to breathe in Balance whose face we know, whose truth we know, but are now ready to imbue into our spirit. We are ready to modify our astral body to feel Balance as an element in our essence, and have the capacity to monitor whenever we are called to know Balance in all its forms.
The breaths begin.
I return my breathing to normal, my face tingling with the truth of Balance being actively known in my life. I have Balance in my body, I have Balance in my mind, I have Balance in my spirit. I have planted the seed, and will watch it grow.
I sit with my intent again- am I ready to do this next work? Are you ready to do this next work? As the third element is Patience, it encourages you to be patient with yourself, and remember that we deserve to do this when we are ready. You can come back here. There is no shame in this. There is the seed of Patience, and Patience wants this seed to take root.
Speaking out loud, I call forth the element Patience:
“Hail Patience, element of my body, mind and spirit. Hail Patience, truth of the universe unfolding. Hail Patience, blessed being of our deepest light and shadow.
I call upon thee, Patience, who has been known by many names and faces. Our world has known thee as calmness, perseverance, humility, tolerance and restraint. We have seen you by the faces of diligence, endurance, heart, strength, and self-control. You are felt each time we pause after provocation to assess our full reactions, and mourned your absence in the face of intolerance, rage, frustration, judgement and personal suffering mistaken for Patience.”
I then stop and speak times I have longed for patience from others. I allow myself to speak the times when I was not patient in my interactions with others.
I then give voice to times I have given patience to others. I name truths of times I have been shown patience, by myself or others.
Once is enough. A thousand truths of each is never enough. This is the mystery of the variety of Patience that exists.
Having spoken our truths, we prepare our palm or wrist on the opposite side of the body from Balance to breathe in Patience whose face we know, whose truth we know, but are now ready to imbue into our spirit. We are ready to modify our astral body to feel Patience as an element in our essence, and have the capacity to monitor whenever we are called to know Patience in all its forms.
The breaths begin.
I return my breathing to normal, my face tingling with the truth of Patience being actively known in my life. I have Patience in my body, I have Patience in my mind, I have Patience in my spirit. I have planted the seed, and will watch it grow.
I sit with my intent again- am I ready to do this next work? Are you ready to do this next work? As the fourth element is Forgiveness, it encourages you to forgive yourself, that which you feel weak about, and remember that we deserve to do this when we are ready. You can come back here. There is no shame in this. There is the seed of Forgiveness, and Forgiveness wants this seed to take root.
Speaking out loud, I call forth the element Forgiveness:
“Hail Forgiveness, element of my body, mind and spirit. Hail Forgiveness, truth of the universe unfolding. Hail Forgiveness, blessed being of our deepest light and shadow.
I call upon thee, Forgiveness, who has been known by many names and faces. Our world has known thee as mercy, absolution, pardoning, gentleness and benevolence. We have seen you by the faces of understanding, clemency, kindliness, amnesty, and sympathy. You are felt each time we end the constant blame towards ourselves or others, and mourned your absence in the face of accusation, punishment, meanness, grudge bearing, and hatred.”
I then stop and speak times I have longed for forgiveness. I allow myself to speak the times when I was not forgiving in my interactions with others.
I then give voice to times I have forgiven. I name truths of times I have been forgiven, by myself or others.
Once is enough. A thousand truths of each is never enough. This is the mystery of the variety of Forgiveness that exists.
Having spoken our truths, we prepare our palm or wrist on the opposite side of the body from Patience to breathe in Forgiveness whose face we know, whose truth we know, but are now ready to imbue into our spirit. We are ready to modify our astral body to feel Forgiveness as an element in our essence, and have the capacity to monitor whenever we are called to know Forgiveness in all its forms.
The breaths begin.
I return my breathing to normal, my face tingling with the truth of Forgiveness being actively known in my life. I have Forgiveness in my body, I have Forgiveness in my mind, I have Forgiveness in my spirit. I have planted the seed, and will watch it grow.
I sit with my intent again- am I ready to do this next work? Are you ready to do this next work? As the fifth and last element is Gratitude, it encourages you to be grateful for what we already know and that we have the capacity to do this when we are ready. You can come back here. There is no shame in this. There is the seed of Gratitude, and Gratitude wants this seed to take root.
Speaking out loud, I call forth the element Gratitude:
“Hail Gratitude, element of my body, mind and spirit. Hail Gratitude, truth of the universe unfolding. Hail Gratitude, blessed being of our deepest light and shadow.
I call upon thee, Gratitude, who has been known by many names and faces. Our world has known thee as appreciation, praise, recognition, thankfulness and acknowledgement. We have seen you by the faces of mindfulness, celebration, awareness, giving credit where it is due, and noticing the blessings in our life. You are felt each time we pause to value what we have in our lives, and mourned your absence in the face of ingratitude, blindness, disregard, cursing our lives and expectation that we deserve the world without giving back to the world.”
I then stop and speak times I have longed for gratitude from others. I allow myself to speak the times when I have not felt or shown gratitude to others or the world.
I then give voice to times I have been grateful. I name truths of times I have been shown gratefulness by myself or others.
Once is enough. A thousand truths of each is never enough. This is the mystery of the variety of Gratitude that exists.
Having spoken our truths, we prepare our ankle or foot on the opposite side of the body from Forgiveness to breathe in Gratitude whose face we know, whose truth we know, but are now ready to imbue into our spirit. We are ready to modify our astral body to feel Gratitude as an element in our essence, and have the capacity to monitor whenever we are called to know Gratitude in all its forms.
The breaths begin.
I return my breathing to normal, my face tingling with the truth of Gratitude being actively known in my life. I have Gratitude in my body, I have Gratitude in my mind, I have Gratitude in my spirit. I have planted the seed, and will watch it grow.
I sit with my intent again- am I ready to complete this work? Are you ready to complete this work? To create the Quartz Pentacle we must bring our energy back to Compassion, for this pentacle is without beginning and end. Each time we run energy through this pentacle, we can start at any point once all five corridors are ready. We can also create a circle around all five points, allowing us to move from Compassion to Patience, Patience to Gratitude, Gratitude to Balance, Balance to Forgiveness, Forgiveness to Compassion… for example- though depending on the direction you ran energy (down to left or down to right) and the direction you run energy in the outside perimeter, your order may be different.
To complete the pentacle and bring our energy back to Compassion at the crown or third eye, remember that you know this element already.
Having spoken our truth, we open up the final conduit to Compassion whose face we know, whose truth we know, knowing we are ready to finish the circuit within our spirit. We are ready to modify our astral body to be able to create connection between all of these elements in all of their forms.
The breaths begin.
With breathing having returned to normal, move your consciousness along the pattern of the pentacle.
Continue breathing your way through the pattern as it weaves through your body. Breathe slow and feel the essence as the power moves through you. Breathe sharply and feel how your passion can move energy into places that need attention. Breathe calmly and feel it dance through the woven star. Breathe as your spirit calls you to breathe, and feel the Quartz Pentacle embed itself firmly in your essence- bendable, malleable, but powerful and firm, all in one.
With this awareness in your form, lay flat on your back. Spread your hands out to the side, and legs apart, forming a pentacle with your body. Continue to run the pentacle through Compassion- Balance- Patience – Forgiveness – Gratitude. Move the energy out into the world, using our breath as the tool to do it.
But our work is not done. It is often much easier to show Compassion – Balance – Patience – Forgiveness – Gratitude to others. Reaching out to the world can be challenging, but for many the hardest place to run this energy comes here- when we reach inward and show them to ourselves.
Pull our energy back. Feel the points run between your crown, ankle/foot, palm/wrist, palm/wrist, ankle/foot and back to the crown. Breathe through this a few times, knowing where we began. Now, we look inside our body, mind and spirit, and begin to turn a mirror on our essence as we continue to run the pentacle. As we feel challenged, breathe through it. Try again as there are blockages. Remember:
Bring your focus in to yourself.
I return my breathing to normal, my face tingling with the truth of Compassion – Balance – Patience – Forgiveness – Gratitude being actively known in my life. I have all five elements in my body, I have all five elements in my mind, I have all five elements in my spirit. I have planted the seeds, and will watch them grow.
It is time to begin coming back to the world. We have danced with Compassion – Balance – Patience – Forgiveness – Gratitude, laying the energetic lines within our etheric bodies and energetic beings. This tool is there for us to use in our lives, and come back to whenever we need or desire it. We have reached out into the world to feel these elements, and then reached inside ourselves. Now it is time to begin coming back.
Pull your energy back into the full star that runs around your body. Feel the points run between your crown, ankle/foot, palm/wrist, palm/wrist, ankle/foot and back to the crown. Breathe through this a few times, knowing where we began.
Slowly standing when my body is ready, I release my circle. In my case I draw out my athame, thanking my patron deity, those Above and Below, within and without, my ancestors and the beloved spirits I cherish on all planes. I reverse the direction of my drawn circle around the room, and release the directions with sincere thanks.
Continuing with my athame, now back in the world, I release the elements of the Quartz Pentacle. I draw a pentacle in the air before me, over the altar, to the five elements. I draw an evoking pentacle, moving counter-clockwise- Compassion at the top, down to Gratitude on the bottom left, up to Forgiveness on the right, across to Patience at the left, down to Balance at the bottom right, and back to Compassion at the top again. I say each word as I draw, and release the elements from the space. They have been integrated into your form, and are thanked for having given us the gifts they were waiting to give us.
I blow out each of the five candles in the reverse directions (though if by now you just want to blow them all out, it is totally okay).
Slowly turn lights back on, or sit in the dark/low light with your thoughts. Journal your thoughts if called to, or deconstruct your altar, airing out the space to dissipate the smells that may have you float back into the working.
Rejoin the world, in your own time, aware of the Quartz Pentacle embedded in your being. Consider running the pentacle daily, bringing awareness to each of these points in your life. If the pentacle is not evenly laid out as an equilateral star, with one or two legs smaller than the other, look at how your life is impacted by the traits in those directions being under-tended. If the star is withdrawn, look at your need for Compassion, Balance, Patience, Forgiveness and Gratitude from yourself or others. If the star is pushed out, consider how much energy you are giving out to the world, and whether it is a maintainable energy expenditure if you do not have the support needed to continue with all points far out into the world.
But at the end of the day- this tool is yours to see fit. Just as it is mine to use as I see fit. As I will find to use it tomorrow as I change.
I breathe in, release, and feel it’s crystalline form in my body, and give thanks to each element.
My hands and lips still tingle. This morning, afternoon, time rushing by like a river from my tongue.
Two weeks ago I found myself in Co. Larne, along the northern coast of North Ireland. Here the Atlantic and Irish seas meet, battle, rocks rising like stacks of coins and hope silently speaking of boats out to sea. This is the region where Vikings hit Ulster shores, with later landings along this area and to the east and south from Saxon and Normans to come. We were on our way to Donegal, and finally to Gleann Cholm Cille- the furthest west the Roman Empire’s legionaries ever set foot.
Stopping in Larne, we found a beach that caught the attention of both of us. Making our way, I found beautiful white ocean-tossed stones… and heard them call. These are to be runes, they said. Let us be runes.
I blinked, as I have what I jokingly call Norse blindness. I have been at a fair number of spirit possessions over the years, and my body can tell whether many of them are real, or faked, or somewhere in between. My body’s training in formal service takes over, takes the forefront, if Deity is present- especially if there is no one there set and trained to serve that deity. But at possessions involving Norse deities- I feel nothing. I can tell you that the person I knew whose body is occupied is “not home,” but that’s about it.
So when they said make runes of us, I blinked.
I collected 90 stones or so anyway, just in case I really did need to.
Home, I hit the books. I read through websites and flipped through segments of books about runes and other magical languages, other divination tools. Reading through a large bulk of RUNES by Galina Krassakova, I was struck by the notion of each rune having it’s own spirit. That most rune throwers have some runes they have better empathy. I compared this to my own experience with Tarot and Ogham. Tarot, in my experience, has a single voice. You are working with THE TAROT, not the individual spirit of the Queen of Cups. Each face has its own truths, but they do not have individual essences unless the worker has sought out to imbue them each with their own personality. In this case, it is a specific deck that speaks that way, not all decks containing a specific card.
Some tarot deck imprints have their own personality. The Deviant Moon tarot seems to call out to Children of Lilith for example, while many Feri or ethneogen users I know have stumbled across Morgan’s Tarot and it’s tools for access the artistic side of our brain. Ogham on the other hand has an ancestral memory woven in. It is not a specific spirit, it echoes of a lineage and birthline. I know very few folks of non-celtic descent who have been able to work with the tool without first having sworn some sort of oath to a tradition of that lineage.
As I sat and meditated on the notion of runes, it hit me. I have worked well with folks who serve Norse Deity, and with spirits affiliated with Norse Deity, just not with Norse Deities themselves. I could be “Norse Blind” and still let the Wyrd work through me, as it works through, with, and into us all. I am part of the Wurd, affect Wyrd, am a Wyrd Worker, whether or not I can have a meaningful conversation with Odin, or can “see” Loki, Tyr, Hela, or so many others.
Thus far, I have made two sets- each with their own VERY distinct personality as collective units. The first was done with the air blowing, candles lit, sitting on comfortable cushions with laptops open and a subtle smile on my face. As I started I thought I was making them for a child of Loki I know… but as they evolved, half way through the first Aett if the Elder Futhark, I realized that it was actually for their spouse, a Tyr’s Man I have profound respect for- and whom I have gifted very little. Realizing this, I held onto thoughts in my bones of strength in the face of adversity, compassion, focus, abundance, and connection to tribe. I tucked a feather into the unused stones.
The second set was made 2 days later. I woke up late, having had extreme sensitivity to sound and emotion the night before. My body screamed, now, yes, water, yes, waves yes, now. Make them now.
I grabbed the unused stones and headed into the bathroom, the easiest space I had for large amounts of water in my apartment. I grabbed other supplies, laid them out, turned on low light, and pulled minerals for the bath. The bathwater was warm, no, hot. Hot. Too hot for comfort, but just shy of the possibility of scalding. Enough to hurt.
Water still filling, I crawled in and sweated into the water. Sweated out of my body while my skin ached in pain, a fine line near therapeutic. I felt the heat crawl into me, the water echo into me. I filled up, filled in, filled full, until my hands shook and pushed and I felt for a moment my place in the great tapestry. Heard the differences in tongues I did not speak between the Norns and the Moirae. I felt the thread of life that was mine, and how it wove in and out and was yet to be dictated as to where ripples would come yet, even if there were more likely paths that I could read. I chose not to read.
When my hands were ready, they told me. I wrapped a towel around me like a shawl, sat on the ground, and began to draw. Each rune had a stone it wanted, and I found them each in turn. I read the name, the meaning, the concept, and felt each one pass from my eyes and lips into my hands, into the stone, and written with the mark I sat each in order along the edge of the tub. The tub edge filled from one end to the other.
I straddled between water and land, over the rune set, a gift I now knew was going to a tribal group I know. In standing between hot water and cold earth, I felt myself between worlds. Watery wyrd, flowing truths, tidal flows. The rune that echoed through me was Laguz, water, healing life energy and psychic powers. The underworld, secrets, fertility, flow. I let it flow out and in. Out, in, through.
Finally, I crawled back in the water, submerging my face and throat. I reached into my gills and pulled out fear that I had felt the night before, and watch one hook turn to sludge and wash away, one hook turn to powder and blow away.
The water pulled off of me, the energy pulled off of me, as it pulled down the drain. I thought of Paul Frank’s depiction of Hela. I thought of water moving in different directions down drains and how it effects our energy. I thought of the clan I was gifting this too, and how I missed its members.
I cleaned up. I put the spare stones on the alter in the Temple. I broke my fast. I petted the dog. I acknowledged how Wyrd moves in different ways. I contemplated water and its awesome functionality and purposes. I breathed, and moved into a new day.
It’s amazing
how much of a difference
wearing your own clothes can make
from behind the doors
of fear
Forgiveness comes in many forms
A tear, a letter, a promise to change
But forgiving ourselves
oh to breathe that in
without spitting it out
what a wonder
what a day
in so many forms
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