I keep looking at my Phoenix Rope.

When this rope came into my life, I realized as soon as it hit my hands that it wasn’t like my other rope. It intensified intention, whatever that might be. It was the first batch of rope made in The Abbey by Monk after the fire- Phoenix from the ashes. It has bound horsing gods in place for flesh removal rituals, it has allowed another human to be horsed and fly, I’ve had people fall in love with me through it (take the ethics there as you will).

But one of the things I noticed is that I started being able to see astral cords in the same way I have been able to see a tangled pile of rope. And using my Phoenix rope (and a set of pure white cotton and bleached white hemp), I’ve gotten to a point where I have been able to help a few people re-lay astral cords- in some cases cut cords, in others take a line and follow it out, find out where it lead, using rope bondage magic.

Now the debate of using this work for my own ties.
People change, move, grow, whatever- but oaths stay. I have at least 2 people in my life who have broken my heart into a thousand pieces, and yet, if they said a string of words to activate my promises to them, I would be there in a heartbeat. It has been tricky explaining this concept to people who break promises, even to gods, and say “its ok, they’ll understand.” No, Gods will NOT understand why you went ahead and broke a vow just because it was no longer convenient. If you promised your sexuality to a virgin goddess and then decide you really do want to have nookie, don’t come yelling down the road when it turns out you are sterile. Your bad, not the Goddesses, for you thinking “they’ll understand.”

A month ago a cord that was laid heavy, strengthened for specific magical purposes a number of years ago… the door on their end closed. I stared G in the eyes (I refuse to type that spirit/bastard’s name, well, ever if I can help it) as that doorway, and I knew he was right- that vow can not be fulfilled from them any more. But now I stare at this cord, this heavy piece between my gut and my heart. I stare at this cord and feel the weight of it closed on the other end.

The proposal from one was to take the cord, remove it, and store it. Um, no. Wow, now. I really don’t think they had any idea what they were talking about- one of the tricks with loving someone dearly who says they get spirit work but who thinks of Gods as archetypes. Yes, Gods can fuel and feed into archetypes. But Gods are real. Demons are not just things that keep us up at night as personifications of our dark places. They are their own creatures.

I said loudly that would be unethical. She was confused. They closed that door on their end- my vows still stand. But, but they broke it first, she emphatically stated. Not the point. Just because someone else breaks the law, does that mean its ok for you to as well?

So I sit with this cord. I will be talking to the human it involves later today, if they hold up their promise to be on the other end of the phone, something that has been hit or miss for the past year. 14 months actually. Since I fucked up due to NOT BEING USED TO DEAD PEOPLE using my fucking body. Gah, yeah, lets just say the locks are better on that door now, thank goodness. But I did not act in full integrity after that episode (I have been tempted to use the excuse that being stuck in a land of ash and gray for what felt like days leaves a guy disoriented, but it doesn’t excuse my behavior), and I am still paying for it. First with ending up almost dying from an allergic reaction, then the children, then… am I done yet? Can I be done yet?

So I sit with this cord, and weigh out ethics of the case before me.