31 October 2006
Meditation Ramblings

Last night, must say, Little Miss Sunshione- a total must see fucked up Americana movie- thank you Cub for dragging me out :) My trip home was good except for the last leg from Campsie station to the house.

I kind of like folks turning around and gawking
I am ok with folks slowing down driving , looking at me, asking if I am available for a date
I am wigged by but ok with folks stopping their cars and asking and keep asking
I flipped my shit being lost in Campsie (the street sign was literally turned the wrong way), having a Muslim gentleman stop his car (not usually an ethnic issue, but the “Cats in the street with meat” thing gets to me), get out of his car, come up behind me, try to put his hands on me and ask if I am good, am I looking for something, can he help, now, while not physically backing down…

I got home ok, but if wigged me.

Anyway, today I ended up having some good chats with Laura (L’Erotica looks to be ON, and the show is starting to look good… but:

Note to Ausies: If you are interested, I am seeking Circus Freaks to beat, strap-on fuck, laugh at and attack me on stage. Ideas: Bearded ladies, human lions, human ponies, clowns, tattood ladies, muscle men, giants, midgets, punks, freaks, etc- any interested parties should poke me with a stick and I can see about getting you in discount to L’erotica

But the hard/good thing today was doing some spiritual woo shit and ending up having a conversation that plunged me into a really deep meditative state to deal with some of my emotional stuff. I am still trying to cope with some of my revelations about funeral issues from Keepers Crossing, and how I feel about the ethics of all involved there…

Stop running
he screamed
burning bright
hands around my spine
shaking me like a rag doll

Stop running
i screamed
going cold
heart in my hands
shaking like a rag doll

children and body ethics dancing in a dream of languid sighs as my thighs open wide before a gulf and dotted lines are drawn in the flesh a fleshy dream that turns blue as ice cold as death and she stares back from the screen a distant memory.

A call shakes me awake.
A call keeps me silent.
Turn another page, another dollar, what’s your excuse?

I need to make a difference and help people.
I need to not lock myself away.
If I am to be my own freak, I need a cicus.
The debate is before us, waiting here, so lets brush through the rubble clean the streets and clear the air…

I’ll be at the Sly Fox tonight- I *may* do one number, hell, I could do 2 (I have 2 boy outfits with me, and music), but we’ll see how stuff evolves when I get there. Until then I’m hanging out in Newtown, debating gym memberships, grabbing dinner.