I am an energetic vampire.  I feed, and fuel myself, off the energy others give me.  In modern psychic vampire language, I would argue I am an ethical secondary psi-vamp functioning both on ambient feeding and direct feeding.  In lay language- I only take what is given or sitting around unused, and I don’t need it, it just makes my life easier and happier sometimes, and its hot.  To be more honest, I am an energetic conduit in both directions, and that sometimes with the amount I give out, it must come back to maintain homeostasis.

Tonight I found myself talking with someone else who energetically feeds to keep their emotional, physical and mental health in check, and as part of a tribal community of other psychic/energetic vampires with a specific culture of their own.  I asked her how often she fed.

Oh, when I realize I have been being cranky or rude, I do, she commented.

So, when you are hungry, you go feed?

Well, yes, as soon as I can after that.

So, when you are starving?

It is fascinating to me that there is a lack of language in much of the psychic vampire community around when to feed.  I see the same issue in other relationships and communities as well.  These issues apply to the kink community, polyamory, and hell, interacting humans and other two-legged folks as well.

So, in our standard culture, when do we eat?  Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Midnight snack, Tea… they are all cultural cues as to when to feed or fuel our physical form.  Other dietary cultural systems exist as well- the grazing, for example.  But when we are presented with the classic three meals a day model, there is a fascinating tool available for the eater.  Culture has said “it is morning- eat something.”  Though some parts of our world, some family traditions and habits, dictate what we should eat and how much… the tool called “meal” has the potential to be an amazing resource.  We wake and go to eat this breakfast meal- how hungry are we?  Do you want a bagel, or a handful of raspberries, or a 3-egg and cheese omlette with a side of waffles and gravy?

Our culture gives us the power to ask this question, do I need fuel, three times a day (or more).  Compulsion and habituation aside, it is a fascinating tool.  One that allows us to ask “how hungry am I” before we are hungry and grabbing for the first thing we can find.

This does not happen oftentimes in the psi-vamp community.  We wait until our batteries are on fumes or out, and hope we have somewhere not too far away and not too hard to work for.  We wait until we are assholes, to fix the issue, instead of having a system of regular check ins with ourselves and a culture to ask others in our tribal systems if they are hungry, before they are starving.

The same thing happens in the BDSM community.  We have built up a culture of safewords- tell me when we go too far, rather than happy words- tell me when you are happy or content with where we have gone and can end on a high note.  We do this in relationships, waiting until we are “lonely” to go looking at internet chat sites or dive into the dating pool, instead of going in when we have space in our heart for being happy still without partnership.

The psi-vamp community also has an ancient cultural issue.  Within the mythologies and truths of many, there is personal gnosis (verified and unverified) that in the past they were worshipped as gods, and their food was brought to them.  How does one ask to eat, when one was always simply brought food in abundance?  How do we learn to ask for our needs when we were used to being catered to?  Still anchored in that place, instead of 2010, profound sorrow and hubris can blend into a place that leaves those with non-normative fuel needs for full functionality operating in erratic manners and ways.

For what does a starving man do?  They beg.  They borrow.  They steal.  They resort to dumpster diving or withering away.  They get food boxes that are full of peas and carrots that have not seen their pea and carrot souls in many many years.

The same is true of the starving energetic thirst.  We beg.  We coerce.  We steal.  We resort to dumpster diving at clubs or withering away locked in our homes.  We go to anywhere desperate people are that have not seen their envigorized souls in many years.

We are what we eat, are we not?

I would like to see a cultural expansion, not just amongst psi-vamps, but amongst the world at large.  Cultural tools that can be put in place to ask each other if we are hungry, before we are starving.  Because we have all been attacked by starving mouths hungry for love and connection- people who we offered one smile to and then could not shake off.  What if we could cut this off before it becomes leech-like?  What if there were a way to encourage folks to get their needs met before they are on empty?

Today I am full.  Today I am happy and beaming, knowing I am loved.  Today I processed with a former partner, made dreams with a current one, had visions of passion revealed by someone that wraps up my heart… and I am soaring.  Today 6 random people sent me hugs or similar by text or email, and I folded space and time to pack my frame pack for my next trip.

But I am already considering for myself- what will I do?  How will I ask myself, in a few days… are you hungry?